


A casual sick day

by Raekeiko



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-29
Updated: 2011-11-29
Packaged: 2017-10-26 16:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/285399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raekeiko/pseuds/Raekeiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which John is sick and Dave comes to visit and then SUSPENSE?? THINGS REVEALED???<br/>also dave gets his hand burnt and pizza goes down pants, no wait that's not classy (terribad summary but read it to know!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A casual sick day

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh ahh im so sorry if any characters will end up being out of character U^U since i guess this will be a mini series? i mean it wont have too many chapters, probably only two uh yeah just saying also the ao3 work thing messes up my format, also if someone knew how to put color text that'd be cool to know too, or uh how to like..edit this in general, i am new here so yeah, also feel free to critique this as much as possible! its always good to become a better writer

You sit in between the covers on your bed and look up at the ceiling, holding in a sniffle you end up sneezing and some tears come out of your eyes. Despite the description you are actually very sick not at all crying about something silly like a break up or whatever those kids listen to nowadays… kids.  
You are not in the mood to do absolutely anything, not to eat not to sleep not even to breathe because you’re coughing and sneezing so much that you wish you could die. Of course when anyone says this they just mean to die temporarily until they get better, what if they could invent that? Just have a machine that kills you until the virus leaves your body then you come back to life, oh man that sounds like it would be straight out of a movie! Yeah and Nicholas Cage would definitely be the star, and he’d get killed but then something would go wrong with the machine and he’d get transported to another dimension and then he’d have to fight his way to victory where he would come back to life and reunite with his loving wife and daugh-  
Your thoughts of the future most-amazing-movie-to-ever-exist are cut off by your chat client, Pesterchum, notifying you of a message you have just received.  
\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 13:45 –  
TG: hey man  
TG: im proud of you  
TG: cutting class like a boss  
TG: like its nobodys business  
TG: and the next day people are going to be all over you  
TG: oh man egbert whered you go  
TG: we missed you so much and all that shit  
TG: and have all of everybody up on you  
TG: was that your plan john was it  
EB: dave i was sick. i mean i am sick.  
TG: oh  
TG: shit man are you okay  
EB: well besides that i just said im sick, yeah, i’m fine.  
TG: oh well you can move right  
TG: youre not like terminally ill  
TG: not like this virus is going to kill you if someone doesnt take care of you right now  
TG: ill be the one to put up with that task  
TG: whats that bro???  
TG: no man its okay thats what bros do  
TG: we help each other  
TG: even when the other one has a deadly virus that can kill everyone in sight  
TG: youre holding a weapon there Egbert  
TG: its deadly  
TG: gonna fuck with all our bodies  
EB: it’s okay dave i’m fine. i just need some bed rest.  
TG: are you sure man isnt your dad away on a business trip  
EB: yeah but it’s only for a couple of days, i think i can manage on my own without him.  
TG: no man you need some high quality service to take care of all your shit  
TG: and i as the most loyal and best bro will be coming over and doing this service  
TG: so you better thank me later  
EB: no dave! it’s okay really! i can take care of myself. i don’t want you to get sick too.  
TG: man you think a tiny little virus is going to get a strider sick  
TG: im built for this shit  
TG: viruses cant even handle all of this  
TG: theyre like oh shit man we cant get past his stoic attitude  
TG: and im like fuck yeah just pack your shit and get out  
EB: no really its okay, if you can get me the homework that’s cool but i don’t want you to stay and get sick okay!  
TG: yeah yeah fine whatever i wont egbert anyways ill be at your place in a bit so dont lock the doors oh wait it doesnt matter since I have a spare key  
EB: what.  
TG: nothing  
\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:00 –

\--  
You are now Dave Strider.  
You are making your way towards your best friend's place, John, because you messaged him not too long ago and he answered and told you he is currently ill. Your amazing coolkid instincts have urged you to visit him and care for him like the badass friend you are; until he gets so much better that it'll be like his immune system just raised three billion levels on the echeladder.  
Yeah that is most definitely what will happen.  
You round the corner and make your way up the steps to his house, and what a cookie cutter house it is, it looks just like all the other ones in his neighborhood, if it didn’t have that slime pogo ride thing that gives mild to severe back injuries in the yard then you’re sure that you’d get so hopelessly lost that the FBI would have to be deployed just to find you.  
Like you told John earlier, you would be coming to hand him his homework “and then leave.” You clearly stated not to lock the door but when you reached down to see if John had been a good little boy and listened to directions you realize when you can’t turn the handle that John was the worst listener ever so it was up to you to find a way into this germ infested fortress.  
You figure you can pick the lock since you’re so excellent at that but instead of all the hassle you decide to go the easy and much less time consuming way. You quickly grab the spare key under a random pumpkin placed on near the doors steps then do a double take because you are very sure that it was not always a pumpkin that hid the spare key, upon looking back at said pumpkin you find a note that says “what pumpkin?” on it, obviously you are way too cool to be freaked out by a silly little prank like that, so you choose to open the door with the key instead then stash it away in your sylladex. The Egberts may now be missing a spare key but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.  
You make your way up the stairs to where John’s room is and unceremoniously slam the door open and of course say “Honey I’m home.” Laden with ironic undertones and what not, John knows this of course and responds “Oh Dave you’re my hero!” he then proceeds to do a fake ~swoon~ act that you almost snort at, but you don’t cause your fucking Dave strider.  
“god Egbert control your orgasms, I know I’m irresistible but you’re embarrassing yourself.” You say while walking over to where he is cuddled up in between his blankets on his bed. He just snorts and playfully hits your shoulder like he always does when you guys joke around like jackasses, but when he does you realize just how sick he is, usually when he hits you even as a joke it’s with force, not enough to hurt but enough to make you move a little from the hit, but this time nothing happened, you don’t even move half a quarter of a micro inch.  
\--  
You are John Egbert once again and your best friend ever Dave Strider has just come in your house and lightened up the depression that filled the room with his ironic jokes and what not. He is now staring at you and you can tell from years of knowing him that he is sort of concerned right now.  
“What’s wrong?” you ask, getting freaked out by the concern filled aura radiating off of him.  
“Okay you need bed rest, and like fluids and medicine and shit.” He says, he gets up off the bed and then pushes your head back down onto the bed where it bounces a little before you utter an indignant “ow”. He mutters an apology though knowing you can take it and then rushes off to god knows where in your house.  
“Dave! I told you already just hand me the homework and get out of here! Geez C’mon!” you yell to the best of your ability in your current condition, dragging out the ‘e’ and ‘o’ in geez and c’mon.  
Of course you already knew he wouldn’t listen to you and he’d stay the whole entire week if he felt like it, which you already knew was going to happen too until you felt better. You have always appreciated that Dave is one of the best friends you could ever have, and you guys would do just about anything for each other but he’s so “self-destructive” like Rose says that you have to look out for him whenever he thinks he’s looking out for you. But you think that it’s okay because when it comes down to it you guys have each other’s backs. Just thinking about that completely cheesy description of your friendship makes you smile and giggle to yourself and you lay back down waiting for Dave to return.  
\--  
You are Dave once more and you are currently worrying about your friend’s health, you have promised yourself, him and the entirety of the universe that you would take care of him, and make him feel SO MUCH BETTER. Alas there was one flaw in your absolute cure plan, and that was… that you knew absolutely nothing about taking care of a sick person. Bro was never the motherly type and never got sick himself so the only form of health guide Dave had ever gotten was from horrible 80s shows where the main character was actually pretending to be sick but their parents didn’t know and did all this horrible shit to them so they’d feel better but they’d end up confessing that they didn’t actually feel sick and then surprise surprise the parents knew all along but were just torturing their kid, quality parenting. You’re actually sure that John would appreciate that type of double prank… oh shit you almost forgot your best bro was in the other room dying and it was your duty to help him.  
You look through the medicine cabinet in Egberts bathroom wishing there was a container labeled MEDICINE in giant obnoxious letters so your search would be easier, instead you find some shit labeled Benadryl and scan it over to check that it is indeed medicine and not some random toxic shit that will make John go into a coma or something. While you’re taking out the medicine you see at the very back of the cupboard where you’re sure that Egbert’s dad thinks John can’t reach…a suspicious box that looks like it says Viagra, hmm. You didn’t expect John’s dad to be the type to keep that shit all out in the open, but you have an idea that John might not even know what that is, which makes you even more concerned. What if John accidentally took that one day, what if he thinks its medicine and takes it when you’re not looking and…shit. You decide you don’t want to take that chance and stash the offending pills in your sylladex along with all the other shit in there, never to see the light of day again. You also won’t mention finding this to John because if he knew who knows what he’d think about his good old fatherly figure. You run back to his room to give him the medicine.  
\--  
You’re sitting on your bed smiling like a goof from your broship thoughts when you hear Dave storm into the room with what looks like that piece of crap Benadryl, you sit up and he speedwalks towards you then shoves the medicine container in your face.  
“Take this.” he says.  
You stare at it for a while and then just burst out in giggles while Dave stares at you behind his shades.  
You giggle a little more before he finally asks “What?” and you respond in between giggles “You need to have a spoon or little cup thing to take the right dosage Dave.”  
“…What?” he asks, sounding genuinely confused. You’re thinking that bro was never really the best caretaker when it came to being sick, Dave did say he never really got sick…  
You sigh then get up from the bed and put your hand on Dave’s shoulder motioning him to follow you, which he does.  
He freaks out though and tells you to go back to bed but you ignore him and instead put your ghostbusters sheets around your shoulders so he’d shut up. You lead him back to the medicine cabinet and find one of those tiny cup things that have teaspoon measurements then hand it to him. “Look, you have to read the instructions so you don’t overdose on medicine, see how it says 2 teaspoons here? So you pour out two teaspoons…no Dave that’s too much, Dave no.” you narrate as you put your hands over Dave’s and pour out the medicine, he looks pretty lost and puts way too much but you understand since he’s never really done this before.  
“Is this good?” he asks, after pouring out a bit, it ends up being a little under 2 teaspoons and you feel proud!  
“Yeah that’s good!” you congratulate your friend, patting him on the back and you see an extremely light tint of red over his cheeks, you’ve learned that Dave doesn’t like being embarrassed about anything, so this must be pretty embarrassing for him, but you find it pretty funny!  
“hehe you should see your face right now.” You say in between sniffles, pulling your bed sheets closer around you, you laugh when the tint on his face becomes a slightly darker shade of red and he is slightly frowning, because it’s so fun seeing any of Dave’s emotions!  
“So anyways are you going to take that medicine any time soon or what Egbert?” he asks you while you laugh the whole while.  
“Oh! Right hehe, well actually I’m pretty hungry, I think I should eat something first before taking this.” You say, putting down the medicine, you run down the stairs, Dave following behind you holding your trailing bed sheets you hear him groan, clearly aggravated. You only laugh and run faster towards the kitchen.  
\--  
You are a very aggravated teen at the moment holding Johns trailing bed sheets while he runs around like a maniac, he is clearly trying to get you ticked off and it is clearly working which is really not helping you keep your cool. In fact your cool just ollied out of the highest fucking window in this universe and back. You grumble holding the sheets and just run around after John making sure that once this is over you get just as germ infected so that you may acquire an Egbert caretaker and make him run around chasing after you. But knowing him like you do, he’d just laugh and enjoy it, then relate it to some shitty movie somehow; it would probably have Nicolas cage and he’d be in some sci-fi shit and there’d be horrible puns everywhere.  
You get to the kitchen and John stops to let you gather yourself at least before you throw all of his blankets on his head and walk to the cabinets.  
“So what do you have here to eat anyways?” you ask him.  
He picks up all his bed sheets and rests them all on his head in this monstrous pile before answering “uhhh I don’t know! I mean dad usually cooks when he’s not baking…he told me to use his credit card if I needed to get something...”  
Suddenly the word credit card.  
“Woah man did you just say credit card?”  
“uh yeah?”  
“dude, why didn’t you say so? We could order the largest fucking pizza the world has ever seen.”  
“Dave! No! I don’t think I’m allowed to use this unless it’s for something important!”  
“I think eating qualifies as something important, involved in keeping you alive, sustenance, this getting through your head Egbert?”  
“yeah yeah but still, I’m pretty sure he expects me to cook or something.”  
“John, do you want to burn down your whole house down? I’ve seen you try to cook and it was a pathetic excuse for cooking.”  
“Hey! It’s better than you’ve ever done.”  
“I’ve never cooked before”  
John laughs as you admit that truth, making you wonder what the hell was so funny.  
“What’s so funny about it?”  
“I just imagined you in an apron that says kiss the cook on it.” And then the snickering.  
“As much as I’d love to don nothing but an apron that says kiss the cook to fulfill your sick fantasies I think there are more important things to do John.”  
“Dave that’s lewd.”  
“yeah ok so we going to order pizza or what?”  
“Nooooo! I don’t think I should use dads credit card for pizza, come on we can cook soup or something.”  
“bluh that sounds as fun as a bowl of rice”  
You hear silence as no response comes from John, clearly he’s looking at something more important, what, what’s more important than a bowl of rice, he should get his head in the game.  
“John come on I just insulted rice, you going to take that from me?”  
He still says nothing as he looks at a container of something…  
“What’s that?” you ask.  
“It’s soup, that dry soup noodle stuff where all you have to do is add water, oh geez I hope that’s not the only thing my dad left for me to eat all week.” Clearly John is not looking forward to dried up noodles every day.  
“Oh shit, cup o’ noodles? I eat those all the time, here let me make it.” You say, pushing John aside, you’ll show him what a palhoncho you can be, you’ll make the most delicious noodles he has ever had. You turn the heat on the stove and get out a kettle, then pour water into it and get out a bowl for when it’s done. Everyone says you spend too much time at John’s house, you think as you get out a spoon from the cabinet under the sink, but you don’t really know what gives them that idea.  
“Okay so we have to wait for this fucking water to boil and then put it in the noodles so you can’t eat just yet.”  
“Dave! Come on I’m hungry, make time go faster or something.” Johns whining is insufferable sometimes.  
“You know if I had time powers I’d use them bro, sleep time all the time, hell I’d have 24 hour naps, and make school fly by in two seconds.” You start to think about the perks of being a time traveling tyrant before john interrupts you.  
“hehe that’d be pretty cool.”  
You’re about to respond with what else you’d do with time powers but notice John’s too busy shaking to listen, you didn’t notice before, maybe he just started shaking now.  
“Hey man are you okay? You’re shaking.”  
“Yeah Dave thanks for pointing out the obvious, haha I’m fine I’m just really cold is all.”  
“You have a load of sheets right there you wuss.” You silently point out that there’s so much of his bed sheets around him that he has some to spare, that which is trailing on the ground behind him like some type of weird ghost buster veil as part of some ghost buster wedding dress, you’d think it was strange that you can imagine john wearing that dress and marrying someone in that dress, but he imagined you in a kiss the cook apron so you’d like to think you’re even.  
“I’m still cold! I have a cold you jackass.” He huffs at you.  
“Do you need a hug or something; if that’s what you wanted you should have just asked John, geez.”  
“Well now that you say it…I do want a hug!”  
You immediately regret mentioning hugs around John Egbert, he will not let this go anytime soon.  
“Woah, no, John, no.” the distress in your voice must have been evident because he takes off sprinting after you despite being so “cold and frail” just a few seconds ago.  
“Shit!” you blurt out.  
You both run around the house as fast as you can, John laughing the whole time, he almost catches up to you but you’re faster than him and you gain speed and, ‘oh man he sure as hell won’t get you now.’ ‘Shit why is that stove coming up and your shoes are slippery and fuck everything’. You can’t stop in time and slam into the stove, the kettle full of almost boiling water dropping and the water splashing on a greater part of your hand but thankfully not anywhere else, the water dropped onto the fire of the stove as well, putting it out and making an overall mess of everything.  
“Oh my god Dave, are you okay!?” John runs in looking alarmed and worried and you don’t really want to tell him that you burnt your hand because you know he’ll just worry but it hurts like holy hell so you can’t cover it up.  
“Yeah I’m fine, not sure about your kettle though, or my hand.” You say, holding up your burnt hand.  
John’s eyes widen as he runs over to inspect your hand, he takes your good hand and leads you upstairs to that medicine cabinet then proceeds to putting some type of ointment on your hand.  
“What is this stuff? It feels a little better, not that it hurt much in the first place but still.” You’re a terrible liar and John knows but he plays along anyways.  
“Aloe Vera cream, when you put it on the burn it heals a little faster, but I have to put bandages over it too so hold still for a sec!”  
You watch as he takes out bandages from the cabinet and wraps them around your hand quickly but without hurting your hand anymore than it hurts already. You’re guessing with all the baking and cooking John’s dad does that he gets burnt a lot and it’s John’s job to treat the burns, but you always thought his dad would be more careful.  
“Woah look at my hand I look like a ninja or some shit, anyways thanks man, it feels better than a few seconds ago.”  
“hehe no problem, I know you wouldn’t have been able to heal that yourself.”  
“Yeah cause I never usually get burnt, man it’s the Egbert-itis from being in this house too long, help me I’m turning into a baking, suit wearing, terrible movie watcher!” you use your dramatic voice for the last bit.  
“Shut up Dave.” He says that but he’s laughing, why not you’re freakin hilarious.  
“So what are you going to do about eating?”  
“Oh yeah! Well I don’t really want to try using the kettle again… um… I guess this time we really need to use my dad’s credit card! He’ll be fine with it I hope.”  
“It’s alright man, if anything you were medicine high and I forced you into it, your dad likes me so it’s all good.”  
“I haven’t even taken the medicine yet! I was going to eat first, it’s funny though cause I’m starting to feel a lot better actually.”  
“Obviously my antibodies are flying over to you and kicking bum virus ass out on the street, taking refuge in another man’s nostrils, it’s terrible, what has this world come to.”  
“But Dave they barely have enough to feed their children, now they don’t have a home, how could you be so cruel Dave.”  
“Beggars can’t be choosers. Oh right so I know this awesome pizza place a few blocks over, give me your phone.”  
“Aw what why can’t we just do that order online thing? I don’t want to give my dad’s credit card information over the phone.”  
“Fine whatever, if you insist on letting the internet do everything for you then so be it Egbert.”  
“Well I can take classes online, order food online, the only thing I need is an online bathroom and I’ll be set for life, I’ll never have to get up ever again.”  
“And in a few years when people look back they’ll say ‘wow that Egbert kid sure put on a few pounds huh?’ and I’ll be walking in and over to you looking as fine as ever and inquiring who put this lardo where my best bro should be?”  
“What toppings do you want on the pizza?”  
“Oh what I don’t know throw some random shit on there, I’ll eat whatever.”  
“Okay so that’s extra shit on your side of pizza would you like a side order of bull?”  
“Hilarity, just pick something I’m starving.”  
“alright alright.”  
You don’t see what he chooses but you know that John knows exactly what you like on your pizza so you don’t really care to see, and instead think about what could be on TV at this time, before John interrupts your thoughts for the umpteenth time today to ask you about the homework.  
“So can you help me with all of this I’m so confused what the hell is on this paper even.” He asks, digging through your bag to look at the homework he’s missed.  
“Ugh John you have all day to do that, come on lets watch TV.”  
“No! I have to do this or Mr. Vantas will blow a fuse.”  
“He’d blow a fuse anyways.”  
“…good point.” He throws down the homework on his bed like it’s the most disgusting piece of filth to have ever crossed his path and beckons you to go downstairs to the TV. You follow, relieved that you don’t have to redo that homework with John just because he wasn’t in class, but you resolve to help him on pesterchum later, if you don’t fall asleep first. John is sitting on the couch when you walk into his living room, you take a seat next to him and  
“We should watch-“  
“My little pony”  
“Dave no we aren’t watching your little girl show.”  
“Bro it’s cool, ironically, besides they remade it, I know the one you’re thinking of, and it’s not that one.”  
“No, let’s watch something else.”  
“How about Criminal Minds.”  
“Oh man I love that show! It’s awesome.” You and John never really did have the same interests in movies or shows but it’s good to have some common ground.  
Unfortunately for yourself as soon as John turns on the television the doorbell rings.  
“S’ probably the pizza.” John says, not paying attention.  
“Yeah what gives you that idea.”  
You get up to get the pizza and thank the guy and close the door when you are bombarded with Egbert.  
“Good!” is all he says before grabbing a slice and settling on the couch again.  
John is still huddled up in his blankets and looks like not paying too much attention to anything but the show, you’re trying to watch it but you don’t really feel like it so you just space out instead. At some point you turn back to take a bite of your pizza but your hand doesn’t grab anything.  
“Uh John where’d my pizza go? Could have sworn there was this nice piece of pizza sitting innocently on this napkin waiting for me to put it in my stomache.”  
“hehehe where do you think the pizza is?”  
You’re looking suspiciously at the cardboard box where the rest of the pizza is.  
“It’s in the cardboard box where the rest of the pizza is, isn’t it?”  
“aw man how’d you figure that out so quickly?” John asks while handing you back your slice from the box.  
“Well I don’t imagine you’d put it anywhere else, maybe your pants if you were daring but then it’d make them all dirty and greasy.”  
“heh yeah that’s true, I would look for a classier place than my pants though.”  
“yeah.” You were planning on spacing out again but John continues.  
“Hey Dave?”  
“what?”  
“I’m still cold.”  
“more blankets bro.”  
“noooo. I don’t want to get up, come over here and be my snugglebro.”  
You look over at him as he makes grabby hands towards you, motioning you to go to his side of the couch and you sigh but scooch over to him anyways.  
“yaaaay.” He says, in his winning voice, and wraps his bed sheets around you for more warmth.  
“If I get sick cause of this Egbert then I expect you to take care of me like a butler would take care of their master.”  
“I thought you said you don’t get sick Dave.”  
“Well this is very close proximity and I’m all wrapped up in your germ exterior, you don’t know what might happen man.”  
“If anything does happen then I’ll ask jade and rose to help me take care of you, and we’ll be the BEST nurses and guy nurse.”  
“A guy nurse is still called a nurse you know.”  
“Agh whatever you get it. The point is that we wouldn’t leave your side until you are the pompous douche we all know and love!”  
“Watch out I’m about to get some mad sugar high from all this sweetness, p.s. I love you too bro.”  
“Oh man Dave this is so sudden whatever shall I do but swoon at all this terrific bromance!”  
“What can you do but kiss me, my prince.”  
“I will blow you a kiss full of all this love for you my knight in shining sunglasses!”  
“Then John proceeded to blow such a kiss, it was majestic and full of passion that of 1,000 burning suns!” John said while doing the motion.  
“Oh man all this swag just repelled that kiss of yours John, too bad, I guess you’d have to come closer for it to really take effect.”  
“No way Dave, you know my policy, only one kiss from this dashing prince per day.”  
“Pfft, then I guess I’d have to kiss you.”  
“I guess so!” John didn’t realize the consequence of saying things half-heartedly and didn’t expect Dave to lean in and give John a kiss…on the cheek…  
“Augh Dave! You slobbered all over my face, bluh.” John said rubbing the stained cheek with his blanket sleeve.  
“Oh John is it safe for me to assume you would have enjoyed my loving kiss if I hadn’t done it obnoxiously?”  
“No.”  
“You totally would have enjoyed it. I give the best kisses, ask every girl in our class.”  
“Yeah right, we all know you’ve never kissed anyone.”  
“Shut the fuck up Egbert, I’ve kissed a ton of people.”  
“Dave that is unsanitary, maybe I should go put disinfectant on my cheek…”  
“No, John shut up. Okay whatever I lied I haven’t kissed anyone so what.”  
\--  
At some point you turn into John again, you are now looking at Dave. For a long while actually, noticing how Dave is slightly more slouched and has his arms crossed over his chest, you’ve learned over the years of dealing with Dave that this position usually meant that he just got a little angry.  
“Dave, it’s not like not kidding someone is a big deal, I haven’t kissed anyone either.”  
“Yeah but you’re sort of a nerd John, I’m cool, like fucking ice.”  
“Dave everyone knows you’re a giant tool. And a lot of people haven’t kissed anyone yet! It’s no big deal come on.”  
“Well I just think a guy who knows his stuff is a bit cooler than…this.” He gestures to you.  
“Hey! What’s so important about being “cool”, geeez.”  
“Bro’s gotta keep an image you know.”  
“Ugh! Why don’t you just kiss Jade or Rose, well maybe not Rose because she’d probably KILL YOU, well Jade, and then you’ll have kissed someone!”  
“A kiss can’t just be a kiss for no reason; it has to mean at least something for fucks sake.”  
“It sounds more like you want to kiss someone in particular and are bitter about not being able to kiss that person.”  
“Dude no, stop, you are not Lalonde, do not analyze me.”  
“Well I’m just saying!”  
“Hypothetically if I wanted to kiss someone, hypothetically, that person would not want to kiss me back, because they would probably not…agree, technically speaking I mean.”  
“What.”  
He just sighs and mumbles a” never mind” in your direction and that’s when you know to stop asking questions. The next few minutes were spent in silence, John trying to watch the now muted television, he wanted to un-mute it but was afraid of the consequences of that! So he just stayed still in his sheets, right next to Dave, in close proximity, watching the silent television, and then becoming bored.  
“Daaave come on quit being grumpy.” You plead with him.  
“Who’s being grumpy, I’m so fucking chill over here, you’re the one who got all batshit quiet for no reason.”  
“No I can tell you’re mad! What’s wrong? Was it something I said just now?” You look Dave in the eyes, you are not letting him run away from his problems like he always does, ironic bullshit or not, you will listen to his problems and take care of them!  
“Fuck, John, I’m fine.” He says, turning away from your giant eyes, which really only look giant from the spectacles you wear.  
“No Dave, tell me!”  
“You know John, you seem like you’re feeling a lot better, maybe I should just go.” You see him get out from under the blanket you had wrapped around him and get up and you can’t just let him do that, ugh rude!  
“Dave, no, rude!” You quickly jump up from the couch and tackle Dave before he goes anywhere.  
“Ow what the fuck! You’re telling me about rude, fucking shit John do you really need me to stay that badly,”  
“Well not really, I just don’t want you to leave all mad at me!”  
“Fuck.ing. John, I am NOT mad at YOU okay.”  
“Then why are you mad?”  
“Does it matter.”  
“Yes.”  
“Rhetorical question.”  
“Ugh fine mr. secret pants, as long as you aren’t mad at me.”  
“Naw, I can’t be mad at you if I try bro.” he reaches over and pats your head gently before getting up again.  
“But really I may have overstayed my welcome, I should go.”  
“Aw come on Dave, it’s not like your bro cares if you go home late! Besides you’re right here and I’ll be all bored all night.” You say while clinging to his pants leg.  
“Geez, talk about clingy John, what are you my girlfriend.”  
“That’s boyfriend to you!” you joke.  
“Oh John I’m not sure I’m ready for that relationship.” He goes onto say but his voice falters a bit and you worry that you might have made him angry again. But you decide not to bring it up this time.  
“Oh noooooo! Now my heart is breaking Dave, and it’s all your fault!” you laugh.  
“Wouldn’t want that now would we?” he says, chuckling under his breath.  
“Exactly, so now you have to fix it.” You say, smirking at him, a red flag goes off at the back of your mind that maybe you should quit joking around, Dave really doesn’t look too happy! But your own brain decides that it is totally okay to keep joking around and no consequences will be had whatsoever.  
Suddenly you are tackled! Dave sits on top of you looking down at you from behind his sunglasses, and woah this is weird and not what you want happening right now!  
“Dave, what are you doing?” you say, a bit more alarmed than you’d like.  
“John, look man, you need to stop fucking joking around like this.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Ugh you’re so oblivious, this isn’t some fucking make believe drama, you need to stop acting like everything is a joke.”  
“Dave I really don’t know what you’re trying to tell me!”  
“Okay fine I’ll say this loud and clear.”


End file.
